Seeing the Glass Half Full

Last year when ever I was getting down on life and was second guessing my decision to go to Europe instead of University I would tell myself that I was learning so much and that it was totally worth it, however rarely did I feel like I was learning much at all (a part from German). I told myself that once I was home I would see how much I had really learned and when I did eventually arrive home I tried to convince myself that I did indeed feel like I had learned all these life lesson. I reality I still felt like a very lost, confused little girl, who had so much to learn.

I am pleased to say that lately I am reaping the rewards of last years struggle as a lot of the things I learned last year are coming into light only now. I feel very much grown up and that I am much more self reliant on directing my life in the direction I want it to lead. One huge thing that has taken me quite a long time to learn (and I am still working on) is how to look on the bright side of things. I feel like on the whole people tend to think I am a positive person because I am bubbly and outgoing but in reality my extroverted nature has little to do with how I view situations as they play out. I myself was even somewhat surprised when I stumbled upon the negativity brewing in my chest that I hadn't even notice was there.
I noticed this little nugget whenever I told people about my trip of Europe (once I was back in Canada). I felt like as I was trying to convince the other person of the great year I had as much as I was trying to convince myself. I know it sounds odd, who doesn't love a good European adventure, but all I could see when I looked back on my trip was all the things I should/could/would have done differently. I didn't come back with crazy stories about people I had met who had taught me the meaning of life or taught me who I am deep down inside. All I could think of, when I retold stories from my year, was how I often felt like I had no clue what I was doing but more over that I thought I was doing it wrong. The movies and other peoples Europe stories made it seem like you would always find your way and that fun things would just fall in your lap but I often second guessed what I chose to do and I found much of the process of traveling rather stressful. However I knew I had been blessed with a great opportunity to see the world and I wanted to be able to look back and have fond memories and this got me thinking about the heart of the issue. Why was it that I was so negative? Many reasons have crossed through my mind and no single one fully answers the question. I have figure out though, that despite everything that I should/could/would have done, I still got to see the world and I still made so great memories and it the act of focusing on those and not the bad memories that I can slowly reshape my mindset of traveling in Europe. This is one skill that I have transferred, in a big way to my life right now. Its about focusing on what is going right when everything else is going down the drain. We all succumb to being negative every once and a while but on the whole I am trying to encourage myself into being a more positive person.
After being rather depressed after a year of introverted-ness and recluse one has to work particularly hard to get out of such a negative mindset. In my pursuit of happiness I liked starting off with the small stuff when trying to get myself back to normal. Little things that I had let become mondane I started to point out and I tried to appreciate them for something pretty great, even if they were small things like the weather or the perfect amount of milk and sugar in your coffee. On top of that I tried to let the little things that get me down to not bother me. If I missed my bus, I would try and take it for what it is, a missed bus, nothing more and nothing less and eventually you let the little things that would have got you down slide off your shoulder (I found letting the little negative things go harder but it had the bigger impact of my happiness factor).
Note: If anyone who happens to read this wants a kick start in the right direction the book "1000 awesome things" is a good place to start.

Now, I know for a fact I can not take all the credit for my current start of happiness and bliss. I have a wonderful family and being back in the same country as my sisters has brought us much closer and I have enjoyed hanging out with them very much this year! Also going to Uni and meeting the great people I have has had a HUGE impact on my level of "loving-life-ness". Being around other optimistic people is a wonderful push in the right direction and being able to share laughs and good memories with others is further encouragement in seeing the bright side of things.

It is still tricky trying to see the positive side all the time (especially with exams around the corner) but its a work-in-progress and I am still learning.

today: sleep in, breakfast with ry, writing it all down